Animal I Have Become
by mrs.salvatore39
Summary: request songfic/ Holiday Exchange oneshot. Elena goes over to the Boarding House to invite Damon to Christmas Dinner. She finds an angry vampire and things quickly spin out of control. LEMON


_a/n: written for the author2author livejournal exchange for niadk. I just love writing dark, angsty Damon. Hope you don't mind songfics! _

_p.s. also dedicated to loveyoualways21 (for thinking this song fit Damon perfectly- to which I agree)_

Damon tilted the bottle back against his lips hearing the door slam of Elena's vehicle. He could smell her blood, her perfume…hear her beating heart and she wasn't even to the porch yet.

_I can't escape this hell_

_So many times i've tried_

_But i'm still caged inside_

Why couldn't she just stay the hell away? Hadn't they gotten into enough fights yet for her to realize that he didn't want her around? It was hell having her so close, having her near and not being able to touch her, to kiss her. She didn't love him, he'd come to terms with that…so why did she keep fucking coming back? He drained the bottle, his throat no longer feeling the burn. He'd tried to flip the switch, to forget how he felt about her, to push down the feelings of love, of need. It stayed locked inside him though, craving and scratching to get out like a caged animal. He heard the front door open and turned to face her, ready for a fight.

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

Their eyes connected and he felt some of the anger disappear. He wanted her, fuck he wanted her. He couldn't help it. He wanted to love her, to have her love him. He wanted her to save him, get him out of this constant nightmare of being alone. She could chose him, it would be so easy now, but she couldn't…she didn't. He grabbed a new bottle from the cart as he stalked towards her. She wanted to come here uninvited on one of the most depressing holidays? Well then he was going to show her just how much of a mistake that was. He didn't want to control his anger anymore, control his urges. She'd put herself in the line of fire and if she got burned it wasn't his fault.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal, this animal)_

He knew his eyes were dark with anger, with lust but he did nothing to cover it up. It was better if she was afraid of him, then she would be on guard…be able to defend herself when he lost control. She couldn't change him, couldn't save him no matter how hard she tried or how badly she wanted to. Elena stepped forward, sensing the distress in his eyes, the air humming with his frustration. "I came to invite you to Christmas dinner tomorrow."

"No." he turned away, disgusted with himself.

She followed him down into the den, watching him pick up the empty bottle and toss it into the fire. The flames roared and licked at the new substance. "Everyone wants you there."

"I don't care."

"I want you there." He heard her tone, the one she used to get him to do whatever she wanted. It wasn't going to work tonight. He wouldn't let it.

"Do us both a favor Elena, and fuck off."

Elena stepped back as if she'd been slapped, another step when he turned around to face her. "This isn't you Damon, not the real you."

He took a new swig, barely tasting the alcohol. "This is me now, deal with it or get out. You want the tame nice Damon from before? Well he's gone…so get used to it."

_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

_So many times i've lied_

_(So many times i've lied)_

He brushed past her, out of the den and up the stairs. He wanted to escape, get away from her, away from himself but he couldn't. The clawing got worse, the anger built and he felt himself losing control. He gripped the bottle tighter in his hand, kicking open his bedroom door and stomping over to his dresser. With a quick swipe of his arm he brushed all of its contents to the floor, his bottle of cologne smashing and spilling everywhere. The crunch of glass under his boots was almost soothing, but he didn't relax. Next he turned to his bed, tearing one pillow in half and throwing most of the blankets on the floor. He'd been lying to himself, to her all this time. He'd done so many things to hurt her, how could he expect her to love him?

_But there's still rage inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

When Elena's face came into focus through the doorway he'd nearly destroyed his room, seething with anger…but for himself now. He wanted her to run to him, put her arms around him and tell him that everything would be alright. He felt like he was stuck in a terrible nightmare, perhaps he was. If it was, if he was sure it was he would allow himself to tear her clothes from her body, fuck her and drain her until she was lifeless. He stepped forward, not sure if he was actually going to do it or not, until she did just what he needed her to. In the next moment her arms were around him, her lips pressed to the side of his neck.

He felt the anger slowly begin to slip out of him, the clawing animal inside him suddenly finding a new emotion to draw into. The lust for her quickly rushed through his body like a wild fire, drawing him in and snapping his control once and for all. "I can't take it anymore."

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

Elena heard the darkness in his voice, sensed it in his touch. Then suddenly he was pushing her down on the bed, her shirt quickly a scraped mess on the floor. Her heart thudded, threatening to fight it's way right out of her chest, but she held on and prayed that he wouldn't kill her. Damon let go, he had to. She couldn't change him and he didn't want to be changed. He was dark, he was the bad one and that was just the way it was meant to be. He had to scare her, make her hate him so she would leave him alone, because the need to be tamed was going to rear its head soon and she couldn't be there when he needed her. He knew that he wasn't thinking clearly, but he just couldn't help it. His fingers made quick work of her jeans, leaving her in an almost virginal white bra and panties. The sight made him step back, distance himself and shake his head.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

_Somebody wake me from this nightmare_

_I can't escape this hell_

_(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)_

Maybe this was all a nightmare. Maybe it was his subconscious giving him a test. He couldn't give into the darkness, the animal. He had to get away from her, had to keep control. Elena sensed the attention shift, felt the excitement of being ravished fade from her body as the fear disappeared. All that was left now was the burning need for satisfaction and the overwhelming sense of comfort she craved. She pushed herself from the ruined bed, reached out for him but he shook his head and stepped away. He'd wanted to escape, and now he'd only made it worse. Why, why had she come upstairs? Why couldn't she have just gone away.

The sight of her standing before him half naked drove the animal wild and he felt his fangs slip into place, hoping it would scare her. The scent of her arousal in the air proved to him that it didn't and that made _everything _suddenly harder. He watched her eyes turn understanding, watched her lips murmur something he couldn't hear as the sound of her beating heart and rushing blood filled his senses once more. She reached behind her back, unclasped her bra and let it drop to the floor. His eyes widened and his body responded, the animal half freed itself.

He watched still as her fingers hooked in the front of her panties, slipping the white lace to the floor. Then suddenly she was bare, offering herself to him…as what? A sacrifice? A lover? He wasn't sure, and frankly at the moment he didn't care. "Come here Damon." She whispered, holding out her hand.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

The veins under his eyes darkened as he allowed her to pull him to the mattress. As the animal finally freed himself, he felt them both lose control. His clothes were gone in moments, her body above his quickly after that. There was no time for gentle, there was no time for soft words. There was only the physical and the deeply emotional act they were performing together. Elena wasn't sure what end was up as she and Damon joined. He was inside her all at once, stretching her and burning her from the inside out. She clawed his shoulders and he watched her face as she held on. Perhaps she was the animal now.

He shook the thought away and thrusted deeper, careful not to hurt her but not worrying about bruises either. One second she was arching under him, the next she was riding above. It was a whirlwind of pleasure and all she could do was hold on. As the brink got closer and Damon felt his release approaching he moved faster, relishing in the sound of her screams, memorizing the way his name fell from her lips. He would never forget the way her body shuddered under him, the way she clenched around him so completely. He kissed the lines of her waist, devoured her breasts and sucked the lines of her neck. She was a feast and he would never be sated.

Even as they came together, as her nails scraped his back and shoulder, as his fingers dug into her flesh and he fucked her into the mattress there was a sense of honesty, of love that astounded him and sent the animal back into its cage. She was taming him with her body, with her heart. He heard her scream once more, knew that she was finally cuming for him and when he joined, he sunk his fangs into her without warning, without asking. Her blood made it all the sweeter and he rode out the final waves of pleasure with her, the lust and love taking over and bringing back the man.

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal I have become) _

A while later, Elena forced her extremely sore body to roll over, pleased by every twinge of pain and bruise. She laid her cheek on his arm, looking up at his face. Slowly his eyes opened and he looked down at her. She could see the regret in his eyes and knew it was because he was ashamed he'd been so rough with her. She shook her head, the need for words gone now that they were so tuned into each other. She pressed herself up on her elbow and leaned over to kiss him, her tongue running gently along the bottom of his lip.

Damon felt his fingers tangle in her hair, holding her mouth against his a little longer. She'd tamed him, for the time being. When she pulled back to look at him he was sure that she wouldn't mind doing it again every once in a while. The darkness and the angry animal inside him may not be the real him, but it was a part he would never be able to rid himself of…and as she climbed over him he hoped she understood that.

_a/n: wow, I had a lot of fun writing that if you can believe it or not! Hope you enjoyed it everyone! _


End file.
